Posts

Ugliness

"Cover them up so you won't see them."

The throbbing little welts,  with a quasi-halo around each bump. 
Blood vessels struggle to keep up, with the neverending IgA. 
The familiar feeling creeps in, it's a prickly warm sensation.
I look down and I see them.  Not azathioprine again, please.
Currently sitting in bed nursing a bad stomachache from a likely overdose of vitamin C that gave me grade 6 poo (bristol bowel stool form scale). Feeling slightly disgruntled because I've to miss mid-week and this talk that I paid £2.50 for. Ugh.


Physical exercise and God's word. Two things that give me an instant lift when I'm dreading life.

I miss playing the piano. I still get to do it on my keyboard, for sure. I've just lost the discipline to achieve much more. Same goes for French and driving. If there's one thing I detest most about myself, it's the way I give up at the drop of a hat.

In this case, the hat ... is the fear of failure.
If I can blog, I can be doing work. I think that about sums up why I'm never here. 
My favourite songs in order:  Boston > Northern Downpour > Make Me Feel Your Love > Almost Lover
You're my favourite story. One that I keep telling everyone about.
I love returning home after a long day to tea, warmth and the humidifier. Took a detour to the gym after the late dinner with Sandra at My Old Place. It felt so much like home. I think I just miss home... if I knew what home was. I miss my grandparents.

Adult life is wanting to cry but not having the time to even think about crying.

I don't need anyone's understanding. I just want to be who I am in a world of funny sorts of people.

At this very moment, I have to say, I'm the happiest I have ever been.

Sporadic

Image

Where do I begin

Being the self-torturous soul I am, I went to peek at my results for the past 2 years. Immediate regret. I just can't seem to understand how I'm behind all the time. I just can't seem to be good enough. I'm always almost there. Lingering, but never reaching. To think of all the effort I've put in and still be subpar - it's crushing. Thinking about whether it's worthwhile to just let go and be myself and get average grades instead of striving so high for an unattainable standard. 
It's easy, you say. Oh please, just shut up and let me live.